||[Feb. 21st, 2004|09:10 am]
|||||Coltrane: Afro-Blue (live, Seattle)||]|
I have read your instructions thoroughly. I am going to follow them to the letter, with one notable exception, which is that I am not.
Five nice things about toofareast:
1. When she smiles or laughs, which she does often and with which she is never stingy (even when things are sucking mightily and furiously, like the black hole of existential pain allegedly experienced by goths, about which I know nothing at all) her face kind of crinkles up, but not really, in this very adorable way, and I imagine she has been smiling like this her whole life even as a child, making everyone think (as I do) 'Oh god, that's such a damned good smile.'
2. Even though she posts too many quizzes in her journal (which I must admit is her prerogative) she has a journal, which exists solely because she left my fair (grey and wet, drizzly, green) city for a year to teach in Japan. We were all somewhat despondent when she made this decision to go, but then she went and got a journal. Now, I get to see her face (available in LJ user icon) and read the amusing mishmash of things she likes to think and post about. Plus get a tiny dose of culture, of which I am sorely lacking. So I suppose this nice thing is both THAT she had the gumption to leave home for a strange place just because she wanted to, AND that she unselfishly made a LiveJournal for those of us left behind. You should all read it, but it will not give you the same warmth and happiness as is given by her presence.
3. I am a sort of bastard. I don't mean to be, and I work on not being, but long years of bastard training are hard to overcome. It's like programming in the brain, instead of in the computer. I don't make many friends, because I don't like many people. I mean, I have a generalized detachment-compassion for all beings, but beyond that, well. The thing is, toofareast has been my friend since NINETEEN NINETY-SIX. Seeing as how I tend to excoriate people from my life on a fairly regular basis, like stinky bathroom garbage (even though, in fairness, they are not), the fact that she has remained by my side (lit & fig.) and understanding of my many, uh, manymany peccadilloes and behavioral/cognitive eccentricities, counts for a lot. And I still like her a lot, and everything. And when she was here, she would always invite me to do stuff, even though now she's gone none of our mutual friends hardly ever do that, because they don't have that same generosity + motivation trait complex that she does.
3a. I miss her, and wish she would come back. (This is short, and does not count.)
4. When something bad happened not long ago she did not lose her mind with the insanity and slide into depression, horribility, etc. etc. that is so characteristic of... me. Instead, she somehow struck a balance between factual acknowledgment of how bad it was, and factual acknowledgment of the inevitability of tragedy in our lives. Doubtless she must still feel bad (unless she has super powers, which sometimes I think she might), but there are clear indications that her life is moving steadily forward, indicating a true sense of self originating from within, rather than the sort of self-concept built on what other people think, so prone to toppling it is, like Dozer structures carelessly (but necessarily) gobbled down by Fraggles, like Gobo and Mokey and Red and Wembley and Boober. How can you not just love someone who is, well, capable of not falling to pieces.
5. She's so damned smart, but instead of being one of those smart people always having to barf smarts all over the world, she is content to enjoy each conversation, no matter how banal, and add her own take.
I don't know about hugging me, but I know for diddly-damn sure you'd hug HER, if you knew her. I bring you toofareast.